…to find a rich husband.
I’ve felt pretty run down for the last few weeks. A friend told me it was because Mercury was in retrograde. I had a feeling it might have more to do with the fact that I don’t eat red meat and tend towards anemia. So rather than hit up my psychic for a reading, I decided to head to my doctor for a vitamin b shot.
I walked into Dr. S’s office armed for battle: “a week ago” and “I’m working on it.” But rather than the usual “when was your last period? do you have a rich boyfriend yet?” I was directly confronted with the worst: “So, where’s my invitation to the wedding?”
“I haven’t had them printed yet?” I laughed uncomfortably as he stuck my arm with the needle.
“Seriously, do you have a rich boyfriend yet.”
“Yes, and his name is Gary and he collections art.”
“Really! That’s fantastic.”
“No, not really.”
“Oh. Well just remember, it’s as easy to fall for a poor man as it is for a rich man. Just make sure you fall for the rich one… now please, go eat a hamburger.”
Hamburger? maybe tomorrow.
Rich boyfriend… maybe after the hamburger.
They Told Me to Find a Rich Husband 
Clearly the solution is a big NY strip steak—it’ll make you feel better and give you plenty of iron (Frankie+Johnnie’s would be my suggestion, or Peter Luger’s if you’re looking for bone-in). Real men (especially rich men) do prefer women who eat red meat, because if they enjoy their steaks, they don’t want to get judged or have to find steak places that also serve good fish or poultry. Sadly, all the single men I know who are rich (or well on their way) are residents of Houston in the oil and gas business……
i suddenly went from feeling guilty to triumphant for dragging you for a hamburger recently. and to think, i wasn’t even proud of myself for doing so in lieu of telling you to find a rich boyfriend.
rich boyfriends are overrated. rich girlfriends are even worse.
-g
George, common, you? Feel guilty for taking me down the evil path of cute mammal consumption? I think not… Though, clearly you had my best interests at heart.
And dear Schneider, I prefer a luscious fillet mignon. Would your rich texans approve of that?
Nothing wrong with filet mignon. They certainly would–That being said, the obvious downsides of having to live in Texas would probably outweigh the benefits of their relative wealth. Maybe you should pursue becoming some wealthy man’s second wife–I hear thats a lucrative and rewarding position.
Has anyone ever told you that you are a feminist’s nightmare? Not that I’m judging, I say use them cos they’ll sure use you! Post-feminism if definitely the way forward.
I’m into art history too as an english high school student. But how’d you get from economics to art history??
i think this whole “find a rich husband advice” is absurdly insulting — I have 2 degrees and ambition of my own, I hardly need a fella to keep me afloat — I actually have no problem being single.
as for the shift from econ to art history… not as far as a stretch as one would imagine. When I started college, I had aspirations to be an arts journalist and thought I wanted to go to journalism school. An advisor at Columbia’s J-School suggested a major in either econ or poli sci to prepare me for the bulk of the course work at the school. hence, econ major with a minor in art history. also, i figured if I want to run a museum when i “grow up,” i’d better have a bit of a business background.
phew! hope that’s enough for you! good luck as you move along with your studies.