With him…

I’m inclined to use bad judgement. And I would really like to be in a position to use that bad judgement.

Don’t tell me you don’t have a guy like that. We all have him. For Carrie Bradshaw, he was Mr. Big. For me, he’s someone I met at a panel discussion. For you, he may be your best friend. He’s that guy we keep going back to. He’s that guy we seem to lose all restratint with. The one we’ve never quite been able to understand but still, he’s the one we’d drop everything for; the one we’d never say no to; the one that throws our whole world out of perspective.

There are a lot of problems when he’s around. There’s that part of you that wants to be bad, to throw away your rules, to do whatever it takes to keep him around. But then there’s that part of you that wants something more significant than a bootie call. And why is it that whenever he calls it seems like a bootie call? Even when that’s not your history together, you feel like it’s going to be a one night stand of some form. You want to make him your only, but he’s just not the kind of guy that will be pinned down by you.

There’s the communication problem.  He’ll call you or text you first. He puts the ball in your court — you play back, but you don’t want to be too agressive. You want it to be a winner, but you don’t want to scare him off. When he takes his time on the return, you start to panic. You want him to know you’re interested, but you want to be cool, and when you’re around him you often lose your cool. You’re rarely on your A-game.

You don’t know how he feels about you, yet there is only one bit of reassurance — he keeps coming back. Maybe only a few weeks go by, maybe a year — you don’t know if he’s thinking of you (chances are you think about him), but evetually he calls.  It’s up to you to pick up the phone… I did… and now the butterflies take off again.

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