Sitting next to my computer is a book called “Not Quite What I was Planning: 6 Word Memoirs by Famous and Obscure Writers.” I bought it to spot read at will — the 6-word memoirs would be lessons in wit and brevity. Indeed, the minimalist writings inspired me to conjure my own 6-word autobiographies…
- Always makes it work… usually.
- Frequently found herself lost abroad.
- Played hard, earned many bruises.
- Saved old girlfriends, discarded new boyfriends.
- Easily transitions from Asolos to Manolos.
Of the above, the last is probably the best distillation of Kathleen anyone could ever write — if I have a gravestone, I wouldn’t object to that becoming my epitaph. Easily transitions from Asolos to Manolos, from clunky hiking boots to dainty stilettos, from rough n’ tumble outdoors-woman to uptown girl…
I was probably running late, but there’s always time to take one last look in the mirror. The reflection was of the girl people are used to seeing — thoughtfully made-up and sharply dressed in clothes culled from Saks 5th Avenue and trips overseas. This was the Kathleen my date was going to get, and had he, or anyone else, seen me an hour earlier, they would have thought my transformation to be the stuff of fairytale musicals.
An hour before the eyeliner and gardenia lipstick, before the tamed curls and gold earrings, before the Diane Von Furstenberg dress and red patent high heels, I was make-up-less, except for the spf 15 and the smudge of dirt on my chin. The old t-shirt and Nike spandex I sported were covered in wood-shavings and top soil, and tufts of sod hung from the soles of my ankle-high Asolo hiking boots. Thorn pricks left bloody splotches on my calves and sweat clung to my forearms. I had spent the day hauling and laying down 25 fifty-pound bags of woodchips and boy, did I look it.
I never really think of myself as beautiful, but caked in mud, muscles toned from exertion of countless treks uphill with 100-lb loads, hair tousled underneath a dingy Yankees cap, I felt gorgeous. There was no one to judge me and no bell-curve of tall, busty blonds to grade me against. There was no need to be self-consciousness. The flush in my cheeks, the rose in my lips, and the light in my eyes were put there by the fresh air and physical exertion — not by a brush and a pancake of pressed powder. I was fit, invigorated, living, breathing, unmediated Me. What could be more beautiful than that?
When I met my date for dinner, he gave me a kiss on my cheek and told me I looked “lovely.”
“Thanks. I clean-up well.”
He repeated it back to me under his breath and it took a minute to process before he laughed and helped me with my coat. Little did he know…
2 thoughts on “Easily Transitions from Asolos to Manolos”
Can I try my hand at this?
-Banking on you finding neurosis adorable.
-Self-effacing humor: it’s just me fishing!
-Prefers old movies to modern life.
-Life is just better when scripted.
-Usually kidding. Except now. I’m serious.
-Something about white wine; I’m done.
I find that most of the time, I suck horribly at being a girl. Somewhere I missed that gene that enables me to walk around in 4″ heels for hours on end and wear things that pull/pinch/itch. Maybe someday I’ll find the happy medium too… but for now, I just feel uncomfortable when I try to be a girl. Give me ripped jeans, a tank top, and a pair of flip flops over a new wardrobe of fashionable clothes!