While watching House Hunters International:

Mum: I’d be really happy if you found a guy who could buy you a vacation home on the Riviera.

Me: I’d be happy if I found that guy too. But so far there’s been Mr. Going Nowhere, Mr. Been Nowhere, and Mr. I Don’t Know Where the Hell I am. If there’s to be any vacation home in my future, I’ll be the one making a down payment.