D: “I can’t wait for your wedding. The food is going to be  great!”

Me: “You’d better not be counting on my wedding day for your next meal… you’ll probably starve to death before we ever get round to an hors d’oeuvre.”

—

in the middle of a gym workout

HK (age, 17): When you get married, can I be your flower girl?

Me: When I get married, your daughter can be my flower girl

—

upon finding the broken sapphire necklace my father gave her some 20 years ago…

Mum: I can salvage the sapphires and have them made into your engagement ring.

Me: Who’s proposing? And when can i meet him?

Mum: I had a front-runner in mind.

Me: Oh, boy. Can I just have the sapphires now, ya know, before I start holding my breath?

—

Ruth A: Let’s pray together. (takes my hand and we form a circle) God, please lead this young lady to a wonderful man, may they marry and be happy. Amen

Me: Do you think we can do that again? Maybe this time ask if I can have a good job and lead a good life? I wouldn’t mind a loyal dog either.