Hello, 2013. I think we’re going to get along famously: Considering Resolutions

The beautiful Waterford Crystal Ball atop Time Square touched down at midnight, marking the first day of 2013 for those partying in EST. Glass slippers were left on staircases up and down the eastern seaboard. At 12:02AM, ABC cut to commercial and America watched 2 ads for Weight Watcher’s new 360 plan. The second, which featured Jessica Simpson made me reach for another cupcake.

the weight watchers commercial made me reach for another cupcake.... happy new year!
the weight watchers commercial made me reach for another cupcake…. happy new year!

Soon there after, they cued the roll for eHarmony.

So, America, what are your top 2 New Year’s resolutions?

I’ve written about this before — how for the most part, I’ve given up on writing conventional, and arguably sensible New Year’s resolutions. No more “lose 10 pounds” or “find love.” Both of those have gone nowhere in the past (though, in 2012 I did drop a dress size… booya!…. and then, there were those roses….). Instead, I opted for mantras or theme-songs for the year.

My 2011 theme song was “Jump!” by Madonna. My theme poem was “Invictus.” My mantra was “make it work!” I should note, I was unemployed in January 2011.

2012 flew in and before I knew it, it was July. It seems I had forgotten to select a theme song or mantra, but I suppose Keep Calm and Carry On might have been a late-in-the-season pick up.

For 2013? I’ve had some thoughts…

Bubbly is lovely
Bubbly is lovely

Along with several bottle of Veuve Cliquot and Pommery sitting next to my recycle bin, there’s a stack of cheese paper and half torn labels that hint at triple-creme cheeses to suggest that I gave 2012 a graceful, indulgent and highly appropriate send off.

Apparently, the dieing words of John Maynard Keynes were: “I only wish I had drunk more champagne.”

Every New Year’s Eve I am reminded why he was so regretful. Bubbly is lovely.

2013 New Year’s resolution 1: Drink More Champagne.

In the past, I’ve secretly resolved to read more. This has typically started off well in that I used my lunch hour to browse the shelves at bookstores and came home with a stack of classics along with a few recent “notable” publications. 2012 was my most successful year. I read a whole 2 books.

The men in my life keep giving me massive books as gifts. In 2013, I resolve to read them.
The men in my life keep giving me massive books as gifts. In 2013, I resolve to read them.

For 2013, I joined a book club that will meet monthly around potluck wine & cheese parties. This is great because not only does it help me achieve New Year’s resolution 2 (read more books) it also helps me achieve resolutions 3 & 4 (join more clubs and drink more wine, respectively).

I’ve also resolved to do more yoga. The challenge with this one is not in finding the time, but making sure that it doesn’t run into conflicts with resolutions 1 and 4.

Next step: google yoga studios with open bar…..

Can we make that "Forever 27.5" cuz that sounds like me right now
Can we make that “Forever 27.5” cuz that sounds like me right now

The Further Education of a T.W.i.T (Trophy Wife in Training)

Not so long ago, John Paul told me that to be a proper Trophy Wife I needed to tote around a yoga mat and have a nice ass.

In the last week, I’ve been to 3 yoga classes. Yesterday, I subscribed to Yoga Today on iTunes. Before the end of the Memorial Day weekend, I will have sweated, downward-facing-dogged, and Omed my way through 2 more hatha classes. I have a mat and I carry it to and from class. Thanks to a decade as a competitive fencer, I have a “perfect” Warrior II pose. There is a semblance of legitimacy in my demeanor.

But as for my ass, well, I can’t be a fair judge — in that respect, I’m a typical female who is very good at finding cellulite that may or may not actually be there.

Tight ass or not, the main thing, ladies and gentlemen, is that this T.W.i.T is a girl with a mission: to master the Fire-Fly Pose.

My recent obsession with yoga has little to do with John Paul’s advice or my Trophy Wife “aspirations.” Since January, I’ve been a full-time athlete. The travel, the competitions, and 6-day a week training/cross-training regiment have taken its toll on my joints and well-being. So far, Yoga has done a better job of keeping my knees functional than my physiotherapist.

It seems that I’ve been spending a lot of time in classes these days. 8 weeks ago, I started taking German at NYU. I have two classes left and then I can translate newspapers for you and tell potential employers that in addition to French, I “have” German.

So the yoga classes are supposed to bring me one step closer to both incredible flexibility and a tight ass (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) while the German classes are supposed to help me land a coveted curatorial gig at a mega-NYC museum.

Watch out Stepford — there’ a new girl in town… and she speaks German while holding a picture-perfect Chaturanga Dandasana (sort of).