The Forman: Wanna know why we’re not going to have to pay for any drinks tonight?

Me: Yes. Why?

The Forman: Because we smell like sausage! Who needs makeup when you smell like meat products! Men love meat products!

~

After spending the early part of the evening in a small, albeit well designed, Manhattan kitchen, cooking sausage and assorted meat goods, eau de bacon may very well have masked my signature Prada Iris. When we got to the first bar it was clear, The Forman may have been on to something. Out of the mass of people that had crowded into Keats for the night, two tall, blond, good-looking guys walk up and start chatting with us. They threw their offer on the table pretty fast: they’d cover how ever many drinks required for the two of us to grab the karaoke mics and do our best Dixie Chicks impersonation. The Forman claimed hers was 20. I was more honest: 3. So if we wanted, we had our first 23 drinks covered for the night…

We passed on the offer and headed out. 2 hours later, we were at Pegu, New York’s premier cocktail lounge. The crowd there was equally unnavigable. But for this sausage-scented duo, it didn’t matter. The head bartender saw us in the sea and before we could even ask for the drink menu, handed us two drinks on a silver platter, ignoring the thirsty throng vying for his attention. Beautiful alchemy in a martini glass. These drinks were  comped, as were the shots of rum he poured us before he signed out for the night.

So by the end of the evening, 4 drinks down, only 1 to be paid for. Sounded like a pretty good ratio, if you ask me.

The writing was on the wall. Our next business venture: a whole line of beauty products subtly scented with meat.

Eau de Bacon Shampoo. I think it’s gonna be a big seller.